Creative Writing during Sophomore year. We were given a random picture from a magazine and we had to write about them – like a back story or explaining the picture. I got a picture of a family eating dinner. The mom/wife was serving something that looked like lasagna or some sort of casserole. It was weird looking. There was the husband, and a kid in a hat, and a baby. So, naturally, I wrote a sci-fi story. This is what I sort of gravitate to when I’m stuck I think – weird meezletoe sci-fi. I made a list of ideas to get me started and they had the same sort of feel and I squashed them together.
However Times Infinity (cause…I used ‘However’ a lot in here. I don’t think they knew that was the reason, but that’s why blogs are so nice. All the stuff I haven’t explained goes here, bwahahaha)
~*~A story of drama, sci-fi goodness, pandas, and the romantic nature of Kazboofa-Ray Guns and psychopathic, super-intelligent babies. Oh sigh, oh sob. ~*~
When Zorphillzaneezatch landed on this planet she had one mission and one mission only; to defeat the lizard foes once and for all. However when the door of her Toyotack Shamony Spaceship (series glorph) opened, she found that the intelligence reports had been wrong. The dinosaurs had been replaced by a new kind of lizard. Humans. Lucky for Zorphillzaneezatch the humans would be much easier to take down anyway. However as she prepared her Kazboofa-ray prototype gun to start the war, she accidentally made eye contact with another human. Crap. On her planet that meant either marriage or instant death to whoever grabbed their gun first. It was Zector 8 of Planet LaVartia’s way of dealing with population control. Suddenly the human started walking forward. Zorphillzaneezatch started contemplating her options. She had been given orders to shoot the enemy indiscriminately and randomly 5 minutes after landing, but if she didn’t kill this one immediately (only 2 minutes had passed), her honor would be in jeopardy, and she would lose her membership in the Chibi Panda’s club, a club dedicated to worshipping their Panda allies and their cuteness. The human stopped in front of her. Zorphillzaneezatch decided.
“EAT ZOOMF EARTH SCUM!!!” the alien bellowed, pointing the brightly colored Kazboofa-ray gun at the human’s face.
She was pulling the trigger but…?
“Ah. I forgot to charge it up. Guess I’ll have to do it manually.” She started pumping the gun.
“Hey, is that some sort of new high-tech water-gun or something…?” The human was confused.
“You, Human. You will show me this place by way of tour. You will provide sustenance and information on this city’s energy storage system.”
“Eh…O.K.” said the bewildered human as the alien started scanning him with her Bloorfad Object-Evaluator.
The human was male, large, mustached, slow, and pink. The BOE was very skilled at telling you what could obviously be seen. The human’s name was Tim Burble. They proceeded to take a 3 hour tour of the city.
However, by the time the Kaboofa-Ray Gun was charged up it was too late. Zorphillzaneezatch had experienced the joys that eating pasta could bring. She immediately petitioned the sparing of Earth and arranged for Zector 8’s Parliament to taste the pasta themselves. Earth was spared. The Italians had saved Earth (and they didn’t even know it).
However, when the Chibi Panda Club Congress heard of her accidental delay of destroying the Earth scum Burble, they threatened to revoke her membership. She immediately married him to sustain her membership, avoid strange questioning, and because she’d feel guilty killing him as he had been the one to introduce her and her planet to pasta.
They later had 2 children, one of which they kept. The 2nd baby they swapped because they had planned on having a blonde baby, and they had accidentally had a brunette. Not for superficial reasons, but because only blonde children could be portals to other planets and dimensions. The baby they got was a psychopathic super-intelligent baby who would later bring about the Apocolypse using LaVartian technology.
Zorphillzaneezatch became a famous pasta chef and constantly served lasagna to her family.
So…Ya. I can now spell that name without hesitation. I did it on purpose cause it’d be a hassle to say out loud so many times, hehehe. Our teacher (I hadn’t known this) makes our stuff be read out loud either by us or her – it should be us, but she was lenient sometimes. But she abbreviated the name, so it wasn’t as cool. Nevertheless, people were awed and confused beyond confusion, so they laughed – it was the correct reaction though, so I am relieved.