Aside

i hate my life

but i think some good came out of this fight thing

but i started to hyperventilate

i think

my arms started to go numb anyway. from the lack of oxygen? also the strain they’d been feeling the days before that and especially that day. so i think that made it worse.

i hate showing those sort of emotions. i hate crying. i hate tempermentalness.

i want to go home. i want to breathe. i want nature and solitude.

or maybe i want solitude when i don’t feel safe.

emotionally i mean.

idk.

i think good came out of it and when i dont focus on it i don’t cry and i haven’t – oh wait i did .. well anyway it feels like…i stop caring when my emotional state is threatened. i distance myself from everything. i don’t want to think of the problem. it’s like it’s not worth it. it’s selfish maybe but i dont care if i don’t feel safe or calm or secure. i just want to make sure i dont cry. i want to be happy? or safe….

i hate life. i want to go home. i want to be with calm people. i want my old friends back. i want new friends who aren’t serious and are friendly and will talk and understand and….