gottit

bipolar II (?) and mild? ocd

seeing from this blog cant ever be sure of anything

therapying

dang im 24 now it’s been 10 years

not on meds, doing my best, my life is very interesting

 

intp xD

Entp or intp or infj

So this is hilarious and slightly ironic

I’ve been diagnosed with ADD (or ADHD-PI, I’m assuming).

Ha ha ha.

Maybe I should just keep my old posts then.

I guess I don’t have to change my blog title.

Wow.

Good going teenage self, you’re funny.

I started this blog at 16, and now I’m 20, so we can see the difference then.

I’ve bought an ADHD planner (though the binding had sort of broken, but I’m too impatient to return). It’s really nice other than that. Maybe I’ll hot glue it down.

I want to hide these old embarrassing posts but if I keep it up it’d be cool too, just cause you can see how desperate I was back then. But then ajakfhkjsgh.

What makes this even funnier is that I’d first typed myself as an ENFP. This has all been very sudden and explains nearly everything weird about me. OHHH KNEW I WAS DIFFERENT WHICH MEANS SPECIAL WHICH MEANS I’M SPECIAL what, and the obsessive psychoanalyzing myself until now – I wasn’t even wrong, except with the wondering what the hell was wrong with my motivation. It was never a motivation problem, you don’t cry yourself to sleep at night wondering why you’re not motivated enough to get through a chapter of a subject you actually like and isn’t hard to understand, you know? It’s a focusing problem. So I’m 80% less depressed now. It was an amazing feeling. BUT MY GOD FINDING HELP, JESUS, TOOK ME A MONTH. I felt every rejection and roadbump like a knife. Bad enough I had to ask for it, bblehhh.

So all is good, well is life, on we go. I might add more to this later, lots of things.

Gabriel Garbow | Artworks

Has anyone ever stopped to think how strange it is that the word “handsome” has nothing to do with hands?  The same goes for the antiquated word, “toothsome” which also, curiously, means good-looking.

What is it about modern American English that we feel the need to say “pretty” in so many different ways that we just start re-purposing random body parts like teeth and hands?

How else could this technique be applied? Could we coin even more words like . . .

• Navelsome
• Heelsome
• Lashsome

. . . And what would they mean? Attractive again, or something else.

Anyhow, I’m bucking the trend in this post and using the word “Hand-some” in reference to some actual hands.  Or at least one actual hand.

This one:

There were some challenges in working on this piece.  The first had to do with the set-up.

As usual, it’s tricky to hold a pose like…

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This is quite inspiring actually!! I’ve gained a certain interesting new perspective as a result 😀

Win!

zoepablosmith

I was overwhelmed by the response I received regarding last night’s documentary! The sheer amount of people who watched it was one thing, but the amount of tweets and messages wishing me luck and cheering the whole team on was absolutely incredible. For the three of us featured in the show, the fact that we, three female British weightlifters, made it to a mainstream TV channel for doing the sport we love is amazing. A few years ago the idea of that would’ve been unthinkable, which really shows how far the sport has come in such a short space of time. While it is still very much a minority sport, the amount of both participants and supporters is growing rapidly.We’ve even had a few people tell us we’ve inspired them to try weightlifting, which means the absolute world to us.

At the risk of sounding slightly up myself, I’d love…

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I’ll be gone starting saturday for a week to get back to my default mood and wake up on time

I’ll be making more left-handed poems but I’ll post em lay-tor

maybe I’ll read moar

default mood: blank sort of stillness. it’s a quiet stillness. until it’s forced to speak. I forgot how it feels, but it’s been something I’ve been craving lately. I miss it, even though it’s not a particularly positive feeling (I don’t think it’s negative either….).

Thanks for the likes on my poems by the way! And in general! Much appreciations! Comments always encouraged, of course~ I might not respond timely though – I often hate talking! Weirdly though, I always enjoy reading the comments! Ah well.

I looooove wordpresssssssss….haha k bye.

The R Premises

  I stare, at myself and the people around me. Reflections; we are. Reflections; we’ve become. Floating images reflecting one another in a subtle platform of beings. I stare… In doubt,  questioning the clarity of these reflections; the validity of the images they reveal, and the authenticity of the impressions they seem to impose.

In wonder, I try to estimate how distant our reflections are from who we really are. Is it really a mere reflection of a genuine core; or rather a blunt comeback we chose to reflect upon our lives? The more I stare; the more the figures grow turbid. The more I stare, the more I understand that time doesn’t necessarily clear everything up, doesn’t necessarily polish these images into shinier and shinier reflections. On the contrary, it turns them more abstract with dimensions that are totally up to you to consider or not. My thoughts are…

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suddenly, family drama

We’ve been having some family drama and I haven’t felt like writing about it. It’ll probably come out on it’s own eventually. I mean, here.

I kind of find I don’t enjoy setting out and writing about what I’ve done. Maybe because it’s enough to have done it without having to relive it and write about it. It’s exhausting to do it twice. Especially when it’s not too interesting. Or if it will be something of a downer.

No I think what it is, is that it’s tiring to consider that I have to transcribe the emotions and vague thoughts and ideas to text, and explain and define and it’s nice as recordings but….nah. On top of that, writing it down makes it more concrete as a memory. I’d rather not have this as put down in stone in my mind. This can remain faint, or fade over time. Negative events are things that make a strong enough impression right? They set in your mind and remain more easily than candid, easy, or happy times. Maybe why those who have experienced bad events appreciate peace the more so…..they learn to….hummmm~~~~

Anyways, it was monday, I think….because sunday would’ve been my father’s off-day…..and we had gone to an amusement park but initially planned to go to some resort/hotel and/or landmark thing, and he’d have needed monday in order to do that too…..yeah. So it was monday. And my sister and I came back from my aunt’s tuesday night.

I closed this for a bit because I thought someone was coming in. Tense! It was very panicked. haha

Yeah well…..I’m more worried for the kids. Though they seem to be handling it like I had…..they don’t seem to care much either. Furthermore it looks like Salmon used the opportunity to steal his mother’s credit card to get microsoft points or something….and he got in trouble….and his lies are crumbling around him and he’s panicking…..I’m worried he’s some sort of psychopath sometimes. He can be quite manipulative. Is that a common fear? Good thing daddy won’t stand for his bullshit, but….

My schedule has kinda been left aside too for a while, but I think I should pick it back up again because it seems unnecessary to do so. I was wondering why I’d left it, and I realized it was because I’d no idea what was going to happen tomorrow, or for the rest of the time that I’m here (the summer). And it made me realize how stable my life had been, and how I’d taken it for granted, and how necessary and useful something like that can be. A stable life. Stability, in general. It’s great stuff, haha. But seriously….

dot dot dot.

Anyway, yeah it looks like my stepmother and dad might be getting divorced. Same bullshit you’d expect, my dad thrown in, his unpredictability thrown in, patterns, silence, both still in the house…..that kind of everything is changing mentality but everything is nearly exactly the same in practice…..I hate this bullshit. My dad’s rants about marriage and his wives, hah, my stepmom’s typical derailing a normal conversation into a moral and humanist rant that’s really about my dad but it feels a bit darker now….and sad. Uncertainty, doubt….he talked to my mom about it….poor mom.

I think I’d used books as my “crutch” before, without realizing….my stepmom made a related comment today 🙂 something along the lines of, when you read your focus is on the book, not around you, what’s going on in there….you can’t be distracted or have bad thoughts as a result….and I replied ‘it depends on the book’ haha

my sister kind of laughed, she said ‘yeah but’ and explained, I knew what she meant, etc. I know it would’ve been more….stylish, to leave this unnecessary bit out, but I think I’ve always felt these bits were important. It’s messier and not cool, but it’s more life. Seriously though, the little misunderstandings and clearing up and the person defending their thought, it’s ego and….well, movies….life isn’t style, man, it’s punctuated by style. Even with style, someone’s ego is always the butt of their comment. I kind of like Lestrade’s interaction with Sherlock in The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor  for that, he’s at the butt of his jokes, but he’s constantly defending himself and it shows his frustration, resentment, energy, especially after his hard work, and it’s more real. Than just, ‘ooh snarky comment’ looooool and swish of the cape, magician’s dust, nah. Lestrade has a life too, dammit.

…what. Okay bye. Wait no, I’ve also felt the imaginary burden of recording these dramatic events lessened by my sister recording everything exactly as she perceived it, with my answering her questions about the time and such, in ms notepad. She might put it in her blog. Apparently, as she said at the time, in case they ask her about it in court xD I don’t know how a typical divorce goes, because my parent’s wasn’t typical, from what I hear, but this sort of comment would probably have been understandable for their’s. Maybe for a messy one, it was. She also wanted to do so when it was fresh in her mind….it was the morning after…..I woke up and had this dynamite of marriage drama explode in my face, it was completely unexpected. Then again, it usually is, with them. Or maybe it’s with my dad….I somehow just walk into it….

dot dot dot! I know it’s called an elipsies! Okay bye, I hear someone mentioning upstairs/my-location. K, bye.