Roberto tried to wake me up this morning so I could see him and his brothers go to school (first day)
Him: Wake up! Come on, everybody is going! (a rare thing)
Me [groggy and eyes shut]: I’ll come after….
Him: No, they’re already going!
Me: No…I mean, after school….
Him: Oh, my god! (walks away, shuts door angrily)
Me: 
I hope he sees the weird note I left him in his pencil box ;_; I’m sorrrryyy…
fmlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
if i go to elitches tomorrow
i will ride terrifying rides to terrify the ghost out of me
…
no i probably won’t
i don’t usually push myself to those points
not that i fear rollercoasters
more like the tower of doom
that shit
IS TERROR
IT’S ABSOLUTE TERROR
WHO GOES ONASTNSH K I HATE EVIL ENGINEERS
YOU KNOW WHAT
ROLLAR COASTERS LIKE THAT – THAT’S AN ENGINEER’S FU TO SOCIETY
SOMEONE WAS REALLY STRESSED ONE DAY
AND MADE THE TOWER OF DOOM AT SIX FLAGS’
“HOW TALL CAN I MAKE THIS THING BEFORE THE PRESSURE GOING DOWN BREAKS IS ABLE TO STRIP A PERSON’S SKULL AWAY FROM THEIR SPINAL CORD?”
BOOM TOWER OF DOOM.
THAT IS A SHIT RIDE.
…there is a cheaper amusement park close to this house, and it’s a shorter version of it. I went on it twice. I don’t know why. I was pressured on, and got off jittery as fuck. Like I had overdosed on caffeine. The adrenaline was so delicious I went on again. TERRIBLE TERRIBLE. NEVER AGAIN. My 11 year old brother next to me genuinely confused and sincerely asking as we rose up fr the second time “Why am I going on this again? Why did I do this?” and I had no other answer except “I don’t know. I don’t knoooow….sorry. okay shush.” just because talking was making me panic more. And he died. I mean, he was just like EYAAAAGHAGHAKJGNEIT inside. I am awful moral support, I’m sorry baby bro, I’m glad you went on with me, that shit was terrifying. I would’ve held your hand if I hadn’t been scared of breaking your wrist. Also, I don’t think that’s allowed. Glad they don’t take pictures.
There’s a mysterious person in this neighborhood who gives my brothers soda and/or candy on a specific day each week.
They call him Steve-o.
I have no idea who he is, or how old he is, or which house he lives in specifically. But apparently all the neighborhood kids are aware of this black markets of sweets.
It happens in an instant. “SALMON STEVE-O GAVE JOCELYN SODA!!” and then they run. Before I can process it.
I think the parents are vaguely aware of it….
We’ve been having some family drama and I haven’t felt like writing about it. It’ll probably come out on it’s own eventually. I mean, here.
I kind of find I don’t enjoy setting out and writing about what I’ve done. Maybe because it’s enough to have done it without having to relive it and write about it. It’s exhausting to do it twice. Especially when it’s not too interesting. Or if it will be something of a downer.
No I think what it is, is that it’s tiring to consider that I have to transcribe the emotions and vague thoughts and ideas to text, and explain and define and it’s nice as recordings but….nah. On top of that, writing it down makes it more concrete as a memory. I’d rather not have this as put down in stone in my mind. This can remain faint, or fade over time. Negative events are things that make a strong enough impression right? They set in your mind and remain more easily than candid, easy, or happy times. Maybe why those who have experienced bad events appreciate peace the more so…..they learn to….hummmm~~~~
Anyways, it was monday, I think….because sunday would’ve been my father’s off-day…..and we had gone to an amusement park but initially planned to go to some resort/hotel and/or landmark thing, and he’d have needed monday in order to do that too…..yeah. So it was monday. And my sister and I came back from my aunt’s tuesday night.
I closed this for a bit because I thought someone was coming in. Tense! It was very panicked. haha
Yeah well…..I’m more worried for the kids. Though they seem to be handling it like I had…..they don’t seem to care much either. Furthermore it looks like Salmon used the opportunity to steal his mother’s credit card to get microsoft points or something….and he got in trouble….and his lies are crumbling around him and he’s panicking…..I’m worried he’s some sort of psychopath sometimes. He can be quite manipulative. Is that a common fear? Good thing daddy won’t stand for his bullshit, but….
My schedule has kinda been left aside too for a while, but I think I should pick it back up again because it seems unnecessary to do so. I was wondering why I’d left it, and I realized it was because I’d no idea what was going to happen tomorrow, or for the rest of the time that I’m here (the summer). And it made me realize how stable my life had been, and how I’d taken it for granted, and how necessary and useful something like that can be. A stable life. Stability, in general. It’s great stuff, haha. But seriously….
dot dot dot.
Anyway, yeah it looks like my stepmother and dad might be getting divorced. Same bullshit you’d expect, my dad thrown in, his unpredictability thrown in, patterns, silence, both still in the house…..that kind of everything is changing mentality but everything is nearly exactly the same in practice…..I hate this bullshit. My dad’s rants about marriage and his wives, hah, my stepmom’s typical derailing a normal conversation into a moral and humanist rant that’s really about my dad but it feels a bit darker now….and sad. Uncertainty, doubt….he talked to my mom about it….poor mom.
I think I’d used books as my “crutch” before, without realizing….my stepmom made a related comment today 🙂 something along the lines of, when you read your focus is on the book, not around you, what’s going on in there….you can’t be distracted or have bad thoughts as a result….and I replied ‘it depends on the book’ haha
my sister kind of laughed, she said ‘yeah but’ and explained, I knew what she meant, etc. I know it would’ve been more….stylish, to leave this unnecessary bit out, but I think I’ve always felt these bits were important. It’s messier and not cool, but it’s more life. Seriously though, the little misunderstandings and clearing up and the person defending their thought, it’s ego and….well, movies….life isn’t style, man, it’s punctuated by style. Even with style, someone’s ego is always the butt of their comment. I kind of like Lestrade’s interaction with Sherlock in The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor for that, he’s at the butt of his jokes, but he’s constantly defending himself and it shows his frustration, resentment, energy, especially after his hard work, and it’s more real. Than just, ‘ooh snarky comment’ looooool and swish of the cape, magician’s dust, nah. Lestrade has a life too, dammit.
…what. Okay bye. Wait no, I’ve also felt the imaginary burden of recording these dramatic events lessened by my sister recording everything exactly as she perceived it, with my answering her questions about the time and such, in ms notepad. She might put it in her blog. Apparently, as she said at the time, in case they ask her about it in court xD I don’t know how a typical divorce goes, because my parent’s wasn’t typical, from what I hear, but this sort of comment would probably have been understandable for their’s. Maybe for a messy one, it was. She also wanted to do so when it was fresh in her mind….it was the morning after…..I woke up and had this dynamite of marriage drama explode in my face, it was completely unexpected. Then again, it usually is, with them. Or maybe it’s with my dad….I somehow just walk into it….
dot dot dot! I know it’s called an elipsies! Okay bye, I hear someone mentioning upstairs/my-location. K, bye.
From my facebook:
Merk just called a TV announcer a skank because she thinks his delivery is too fake.
-July 07, 2012 11:03AM BIO.HD (ch.266 directTV in [city, state])
[these are follow up comments I made xD]
Merk (looking at an old picture): “Look at Zim when he was bald. There’s Roberto when he had beautiful eyes. And there’s Salman.”
Me: …what happened to Roberto’s eyes?
.
aw man. I burned the first four a little so I was eating them and the youngest one, Zim, comes up with his blanket to his nose and stares at my plate and says “eeeeeehgh why did you make it like that?!” and ran away. COME BAAAAACK THEY’RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT!!!
Trying this out now:
6AM – wake, wash face, brush hair, brush teeth. Eat breakfast.
7AM – exercise in backyard
8AM – make breakfast. Save some for daddy for tomorrow.
9AM – Kids wake up. Dishes. Make my bed. Go outside.10:30AM – driver’s ed powerpoint. Turn computer off.
11:30AM – read Sherlock one hour. Turn/Log back on computer back on at 12:10PM.
12:30PM – driver’s ed powerpoint
01:30PM – wordpress
02:30PM – driver’s ed powerpoint. Charge laptop.2:40PM to 3PM – twenty minute plan what to make for lunch. Ask kids too.
03PM – Make lunch.
04PM – Kids do dishes. Dr. Phil.* Bun too.* Read Sherlock.
05PM – Brush teeth. Free time to do (jobs/chemistry/etc)
06PM – Mandatory chilling hour outside.
07PM – make dinner.
08PM – dishes.
09PM – Tell kids I am going to sleep at 9:30PM. Get ready for bed. Set clothes for tomorrow. Shower and brush teeth.
10PM – take melatonin and sleep no later than 10:30. (shorts pajamas)
(PC available from 11:30AM to 12:30PM, 3PM to 4PM maybe. 5PM to 7PM is Salman and Roberto’s computer time on their own laptop)Try to limit how long PC is on.
*dr. phil usually happens to be on and my dad/stepmom like watching it…xD I’m okay with it though, he gives good advice and his guest experts are usually interesting too xD
*bun=coffee
I had tried to make a schedule late the night before yesterday and it was pretty general and by the hour, because I wanted to see if I could even generally accomplish those tasks within the prescribed hours, and because I know there would be some inconvenient distractions that might make me divert from my plans a little bit, but I felt like it couldn’t possibly take up a full hour. So, here’s how it was supposed to go, and I’ll follow up with a ‘how it really went’ right after the list.
7AM – wake, wash face, brush teeth, brush hair, (wake sister to walk)
8AM – walk. (buy melatonin tablets from nearby supermarket for $4)
9AM – walk back.
10AM – make breakfast (read a little Sherlock too while things cook and while eating)
11AM – do the dishes, make the beds
12PM – make a driver’s ed powerpoint to help me study
1PM – make a driver’s ed powerpoint to help me study
2PM – make a driver’s ed powerpoint to help me study
3:30PM – get lunch started since dad is home at 4
4PM – eat lunch (read a little) (Coffee/Dr.Phil show – it’s a family thing…)
5PM – dishes. clean room if kids have exploded it and we are also in trouble, but try to force them to help, or generally clean whatever my stepmom wants to clean that day
6PM – job applications? ask about nearby places I could work at….
7PM – gravity/weight/matter videos at KhanAcademy.org
8PM – make dinner (leftovers hopefully?)
9PM – shower, PJs, clothes ready, read for thirty minutes
10PM – 6:40PM (added later) – Sleep, sharp! Take a melatonin tablet right before if they really were $4
How it really went, or as it says on this paper, “Actual!” –
7:20 AM – officially wake up. Honestly learned something amazing comparing the extraordinarily dulled thought process of a half-asleep person to the same person 10 minutes later who’s mind has become more lucid and is able to answer all the questions of half-asleep person with a quick, and ready – maybe even anxious – response.
anyways, then I woke up my sister, who got up pretty fast actually….
7:35AM – Start walking. (bought melatonin tablets from nearby supermarket for half price because the cashier is awesome, my dad has a membership card, and the self-checkout machines let you type in your registered phone number if you don’t have the card on you…)
8:46AM – back. “never again w/o BREAKFAST” (this is on my paper, along with many crossed out lines, and numerous “JK’s”). then we ate rice krispies with chocolate syrup drizzled on it.
9AM – sister and I started making funnel cakes for the first time
9:55AM – [“read also” is crossed out, and “JK” is written next to it]
10:50AM – Mac & Cheese and funnel cakes are done, ate, read a little Sherlock♥
11:38AM – we’d decided to wake the kids up so we could wash the dishes in one go. sister and I made a deal that I’d clean all breakfast dishes and she’d do the rest that day. kids eat funnel cake, dishes start, Roberto helps.
12:33PM – Dishes are done, I’d eaten, my stepmom told me what lunch was going to be so I knew I wouldn’t have to cook.
– 3:59PM – Got very little done with the Driver’s Ed Powerpoint. Realized I hadn’t given myself a ‘shitting around on the computer’ time and kind of spent these hours doing both. So, messed around on wordpress, facebook a little, barely tumblr, and driver’s ed. Got some easy slides out of the way.
4PM – Not sure what I did. I remember wandering around, thinking I was supposed to be cleaning the fridge but not being able to because my dad and sister were setting something up and were in the way….I looked pretty obviously unsure of myself too….hmm….What I do remember is my oldest/11 year old brother, whom we will call Salman, ate my remaining funnel cake and was using my computer to study how to write in our other language.
5PM – 9 year old brother, whom we will call Roberto, got my laptop to study the letters while I quizzed Salman using paper and pen. I really don’t know why they didn’t use their own laptop, but I was busy quizzing Salman at this point anyway. After a long while of spaced-out looks, him showing me that he knew how to write his name IN ENGLISH and exclamations of “this is eeeaasy, I don’t need this to help me…” and getting everything wrong without “this” (a reference guide) I quit in a frenzied frustration and tried to study chemistry instead. But then Roberto, asked me for help because at some point he had logged onto KhanAcademy and was doing multiples involving 3-digit numbers and 1-digit numbers, I believe. I didn’t get much done with Chemistry. Then he started doing 3-digit and 2-digit numbers and I didn’t get any Chemistry done and I’m not sure if I helped….
6PM – ate delicious food my stepmom made, which i want to finish now before other people do, cleaned a little.
6:20PM – drank coffee with the the parents. something was on TV but I don’t remember what. Dr. Phil? Read some Sherlock.
7:05PM – Coffee finished.
– 8PM – Fed kids chicken nuggets. Helped serve guests. Sister had been sick until now, woke up and did lunch’s and dinner’s dishes in one go.
9PM – showered, got ready to sleep, helped dad with computer stuff.
10:32PM – computer stuff still.
11:36PM – finally finished. took melatonin, went to bed, Roberto decided to sleep with me.
12:00PM – awake. Salman ended up coming down too. we all LOL’d about dreams and such until 2AM.
2AM – finally slept I think.
Today:
9:46AM – woke up confused, fixed alarm clock.
10:11AM – planned to use laptop to make new schedule ended up blogging until 11:45AM.
But now that I’ve written it out, I can plan it out better and see how inefficient it is.
Hey. Pseudonyms will be used.
Meez - Me. I'm 20, dropped out of university in May 2012, found out I might have ADD around the 2nd week of 2013 after online classes had started (nice!), diagnosed February 8 2013. I'd like to thank God, my cat, and my left foot for trying to give me a hint with the blog title I'd randomly chosen at 16, and apologize for being too damn thick to get it. This is embarassing.
Merk - 18-year old dragon-bear chocolate-chip-cookie sister who I've always lived with
Merk and I live in the state in the U.S.called LaVartia.
Salman - 11 year old concerning clever x-box brother
Roberto - 9 year old mysterious and interesting brother.
Zim - 6-year old schmoozer-conversationalist positive brother
These three live in a state with my dad and stepmom called Neptune. Especially Roberto. I'm worried one of my brothers might have the same problem as me, so I'm trying to keep an eye out.
Betty - 19 year old cousin who we've been with since we were kids.
Our families moved together from Orangutan to LaVartia when I was 14.
Easily Distracted 
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